


No such thing as too many cats

by Trams



Category: The Magnificent Seven (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Animals, Alternate Universe - Cats, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Ficlet, Gen, Humor, Originally Posted on Tumblr, the seven as cats
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-03-09 08:03:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13477203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trams/pseuds/Trams
Summary: What if the seven were cats?





	No such thing as too many cats

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to write a short drabble about Goody and Billy as cats inspired by villa_kulla's tag "goody and billy as cats" which I look through like at least once a month when I need cheering up.   
> But then I figured I wanted a human POV, and first thought Sam, at which point I thought might as well throw in the rest of the seven, and once I thought that I remembered I wanted to write more Emma, so I made Sam a cat too, and Emma got to take care of the cats.

There was a distant thud, followed by a loud clatter.

"Whatever you are doing stop it immediately!" Emma shouted. 

There was silence for a moment, and she went back to petting the cat in her lap with one hand, the book she was reading in her other hand. However she had only read a few more lines before there was a louder crash coming from somewhere in the house, and a loud yowl from one of the other cats. Sighing she put her book away and lifted Sam out of her lap, he made a displeased noise at being moved and then settled on the bed, looking away from Emma and started grooming his black fur.

She walked out of her bedroom and through the kitchen, where she found Horne with his dark brown fur which was greying around his nose and eyes, lying on his back in a patch of sunlight he barely noticed her as she walked past him. She highly doubted he was the reason for the noise anyway.

As she walked past the fridge something large and furry landed on her shoulder and she flinched in surprise. Sharp claws dug into her skin, little pinpricks of pain and she hissed. Waving her hands she managed to get her hand on the cat and lift him off of her shoulder.

“Red,” she muttered to the red Maine Coon which chirped at her. He was still young, and as such was still mostly tail and the smallest out of them, but considering his breed would probably become the largest one eventually, she just hoped that he wouldn’t continue to jump onto unsuspecting people’s shoulders when he finished growing.

She let him jump down on the floor and entered the living room, where the noise had clearly come from. A small figurine of a cat, a gift for her husband, which usually stood on the windowsill now lay on the floor, and next to it a potted plant, dirt spread out around it, and in the middle of it Faraday and Vasquez were wrestling, but they sprang apart when Red came up to them. Vasquez - Emma had mistaken him for an actual wild cat, had thought he was a very small ocelot or something when he was first brought home by Matthew - jumped up on the couch, getting a bit too close to the corner claimed by the last two cats and as such he was met by an angry hiss and he jumped across the table, dirt falling from him, and he landed in the arm chair. Meanwhile Faraday playfully swiped a paw at Red, he was an orange tabby, and still a little bit larger than Red who danced out of reach of Faraday.

Emma sighed. She had never claimed to be a cat person, that was entirely her husband’s thing. Her husband who brought home stray cats, and rescue cats by the dozen, and she admired this about him, but seven cats were a bit much, especially at the same time. And to top it all off Matthew had gone away for the weekend, leaving Emma with the misbehaving cats.

She scooped up Faraday from where he was sitting in the middle of the dirt, he immediately started purring, and carried him to the sink where she quickly brushed off the worst of the dirt, he continued purring and didn’t stop until she put him back on the floor. Walking back into the living room she picked up the little cat figurine and placed it on a bookshelf, Red could and had climbed up there, but he was generally much more careful not to push things off of edges. She picked up the pot, made out of plastic it had survived the fall, she put it back where it belonged.

Before going to fetch the vacuum cleaner she stopped by the corner of the couch where Billy and Goody were asleep. A silver-grey cat and a black cat wrapped up together, they had been inseparable since arriving at the house. They could be so unbearably cute sometimes. And thinking that they were both asleep again, she reached out to pet them, only to have Billy swipe a clawed paw at her hand and hiss.

“Yes, yes, I know,” Emma muttered pulling her hand back. “No touching your precious Goody.”

When Matthew had brought them home, in a cardboard box they had both needed a bath, which had been an absolute nightmare. Goody had been easy enough to handle at first, a little vary but nothing Emma and Matthew hadn’t dealt with in the past, but he had started trembling as he was brought away from Billy. Billy left in the cardboard box had started protesting loudly when Goody was taken away and would not let Emma come near him. Matthew had taken Goody to the bathroom and closed the door, and that had been their second mistake after separating the cats. Goody had started howling, and Emma had been able to hear a lot of splashing from the bathroom. Billy meanwhile started meowing loudly outside the door and scratching at it, until he started to actually run into the door, at which point Emma had worried that he would injure himself, and been forced to open the door. It had ended with them bathing both of the cats at the same time, trying to keep them in the tub, and all four of them drenched and both Emma and Matthew with scratches on their arms.

As soon as Emma brought out the vacuum cleaner Faraday, Red and Vasquez disappeared like little furry streaks of lightning. It wasn’t until she started it that Goody and Billy reacted. Goody shot up from the couch and in the blink of an eye had climbed up the curtain. Meanwhile Billy had sat up, head going back and forth until he located Goody and then turned to look at Emma almost like he was judging her. Emma ignored them and finished dealing with the dirt first, before walking over and untangling Goody from the curtain, all the while both of them were loudly complaining. Once the two were reunited in the corner they had claimed of the couch, Emma dropped down in the armchair, and she had only just sat down before she had Sam in her lap again.

“At least you know how to behave,” Emma murmured to him and scritched him under his chin, and he purred back at her.

**Author's Note:**

> I really like writing cats. I miss having a cat...


End file.
